Rae Federico, MSW, LCSW

Do you want to untangle yourself from negativity?  Would you like to create more choices for yourself?  Do you want to view your life in a more optimistic way?  Do you want to clear negative thoughts and feelings from your life so you can begin to heal? How would you like to establish more balance in your life and become empowered?  Do you want to stop feeling like a victim and create more positive experiences that can bring you peace and happiness?  Because our thoughts and emotions play a part in the development of an illness, and since positive thoughts can increase our ability to heal, the healing arts are looking at external ways to heal, which may include mind, body and  spirit health practices.

When negative patterns are developed in childhood, we become insecure. Insecurity leads to cognitive distortions which are responsible for your unhappiness.  When we grow up in a dysfunctional environment we learn many negative beliefs about ourselves and others, which limits our ability to feel and act in a positive way.  When you clear a space in your mind, to let go of negative thoughts which are cognitive distortions, you can open a place for healing in your life.  When you keep repeating in your mind the following (listed below) you are stuck in using cognitive distortions” which may lead to insecurity, doubt, depression, anxiety and other
emotional problems.

The following is a list of cognitive distortions which lead to low self-esteem and unhappiness.

1. All or nothing.  If you are not perfect and perform flawlessly, you feel like a failure.
2. You beat yourself up for what you “should” have done.
3. You resist change and feel like a victim and you wallow in self – pity and say “poor me.”
4. Overgeneralization. One negative event and you get stuck in an endless pattern of defeat. In other words, you hold on to resentments – stuck in yesterday.
5. Do you ignore the positive?  Self-deprecation – deflects all compliments and will say to yourself  “I am not worthy.” Do you feel unworthy on the inside, but put up a false front?
6. Do you draw negative conclusions without checking to see if they have any foundation in fact?
7. Do you let fear take over your life; therefore you do not allow yourself to have fun?
8. Do you worry about “what if” instead of “what is?”
9. You believe your negative view of a situation is the hard fast truth (emotional reasoning).
10. Do you stick to “should” statements and keep a rigid set of internal rules about what you “should do” and feel terrible when you do not stay on course?
11. Do you “label” yourself in a negative way: Telling yourself, “I am a screw up?”
12. Do you blame yourself for a negative event which is out of your control?
13. Do you have self-flawed thinking?  Do you think in the negative much of the time?
14. Do you think life is an uphill battle and I must always expect the worst?
15. Do you think, “I feel like a failure” and you focus on the negative?

There are other ways to identify distorted thinking.  They include sentences that include words such as “must,” “should,” “always” and “never” to name a few.  As we change the way we use our minds, and the old unhealthy pictures in our heads, we begin to heal ourselves.  When we change our perceptions, we can overcome our fears and worries and limitations which hold us back from being happy.  Give yourself permission to call me and begin to feel happy, hopeful and empowered.  An empowered individual is learning life’s lessons, however, a victim is suffering and enduring life’s pain.

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked thoughtfully, “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

–  Trina Paulus

Hope for the Flowers… May your summer be filled with smiles, laughter and happy memories.  Rae. R. Federico, LCSW.  Call me at 609-818-1166 and let me help you. Wishing Everyone Happy Holidays, Rae Federico, LCSW